Your Wife is Leaving You for the Guy Whose Office Has VoIP Service
It’s a late night again, and you’ve been working since 5am. It’s not always like this, but the busy season seems to keep you at the office longer than you’d like.
A phone call this late? Must be from the missus.
“Hellooo?” – The greeting comes through jumbled and difficult to hear.
Great. Not again.
“Yeah it’s me, I shouldn’t be long now.” – You say while doing your best to enunciate as clearly as humanly possible.
“Ethan? –krr –‘s S –ah. Where – krr?”
Yep it’s gonna be like that I guess.
“Honey, I can’t hear you. Text me, OK??”
You can never get a break. Not even once.
“I said text me!”
“Texas? What about Texas?”
You’d probably have laughed at that one if this wasn’t a regular occurrence. This was pointless. You hang up the phone and pull out your cell phone to text her.
>>Hi honey, couldn’t hear you well. I said that I won’t be long now. Just about finished for the night.
You hit send and wonder why in the hell she even bothers calling you. Cell reception in the building isn’t great either so it’s often the same story. Here your office “just” got its phone system set up too.
It didn’t make sense. Analog is supposed to be better than that VoIP crap right? The salesman had explained it in a way that made a lot of sense. VoIP is “new” with a lot of kinks to work out and Internet connectivity is always so spotty. Made sense to you at least. Seems like every other day the Internet is moving slow for some reason or another despite the fact your office has more than enough bandwidth. You can’t imagine what that would do for voice. To be honest you didn’t really look much into it, but you didn’t really see a reason to.
Just as you’re starting to think it’s been a while since you sent that text..
Your phone vibrates on the table and you reach for it.
>>I wanted to do this over the phone, but once again, I couldn’t understand you so I guess text is going to have to work. There’s no easy way to say this, but I’m leaving you. I called George a couple weeks ago at the other office to get that report you wanted me to get and we started talking. TALKING. Like on the phone! Excuse me for wanting to speak with another human being when I communicate with them, but it’s just the way it is.
You stare at your phone incredulous. You’re sure she’s joking. You’ve been married 3 years! This is completely out of the blue. You’re not sure whether to shout or cry. You immediately click the call button, but yep, service isn’t good enough to put the call through. Your phone buzzes again.
>>Look, I know you love your job, I could never ask you to leave. When we’re together everything is great with us, but I need to be able to speak with my husband when he’s at work from time to time and right now I can’t do that. I asked George why their phones sound so good and he said their office upgraded to VoIP. Maybe you should look into it. The technology has been around for more than 40 years.
40 years? She can’t be serious. The World Wide Web is only about 25 years old. Now she definitely can’t be serious. You grab your phone and start furiously texting away.
>>Are you kidding me? I don’t know what this is about but it’s not funny. We can talk about this when I get home
You hit the send button and wait for the “delivered” message to pop up. It doesn’t. You wait some more. Nothing happens. You stand up and go outside where your service is good. Still nothing. You try sending it again. Nothing. You’ve seen this before with a friend but your brain won’t let you admit that it’s happening to you. You’ve been blocked.
You get home that night and realize that her stuff is all gone. Everything. It’s like she’s never lived there at all. You try reaching out to her family and friends but you’re getting nothing back from anyone. You walk automatically over to the liquor cabinet and pour yourself a straight cup of bourbon and slump down at your desk.
After what feels like an hour of staring numbly at a black screen with your esophagus burning from the painful bite of the bourbon, you reach toward the white computer mouse and bring up the homepage of www.Google.com. With trembling fingers, you type into the search box…
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